What can I say?
Everything in the journal before this one is still 100% true.

I have been changing a lot this last year and well it isn't really easy always to change.
I must say the most I have felt is people around me, friends and people I know.

It is very hard for a lot of people to handle when someone changes and yes I have lost some friends.
Some claimed to know me and rant about how I thought and felt.. YES maybe in the past those things would have been how I was but it isn't any more.
I am still changing and it is hard not falling back in to the old well known.

But I do not have a wish to be what I use to be.

I was surprised at how some of my friendships change and that some didn't change at all.

Hmm any way I am again trying to clean up in my life, right now the main thing. The main >_< grr thing for me with people (This doesn't mean all so please don't start a "but I always..." thing)

Is the not replying, YES here on DA I can be damn slow as Hell to reply comments.. But then it doesn't bug me as much as it use to cause people answer or comments on mine even less or slower then me.

I dislike people that come to me for gifts, comments or attention when they need or want it but then the rest of the time they ignore me.

Some of them even have the nerve to get pissy when I tell them about what they do.

and I get the "Well I don't do that with a lot of people" SO? really what can I use that for?

I am not a lot of people, I don't care what you do or don't do with a lot of people.. I am me.. only me and I will always just be me.. So I react to what you do to me, not to a lot of people.

Yes I know some people's personalities just make them a certain way and I can respect that.

I am so tired of giving comments,texts and what ever else and not get shit back.. But if I don't give these people replies and such when they do it, they go all bitchy..

What right do they have to do that?

NONE!

I am far from perfect.. I know that, I fuck up and overreact and mess up.. I sure as hell know that.
But so does everyone else.

I am just as much WORTH as the next person.. it doesn't matter if they are smarter, better at some things or more good looking.. we are all worth the same.


Really.. I'd go through Fire, Hell, Pain, or what ever else shit for my friends..
I grew up in a not very nice family, my soul and body have scars from that..
So friends are the family I chose myself.
I have been very very lucky and gotten some GOD DAMN good family members.
Yeah we argue at times and don't always agree..
But they are the greatest people ever.
They are imperfect and that makes them even more wonderful to me.

I really do believe in "Do on to others, what you want done to yourself"

So from now on.. I will work hard on giving the same attention and such back as I get it.

Sorry for the long rant.. not sure it made any sense but.. over and out.

I haven't been around here much and do to much stress in my life I haven't had much time to answer you all.

As you have guessed by the title it is is about two special people in my life..

Fuma and Raine... had you guessed?

Well there are many great people in my life.. some of them I sadly don't talk to as much as I use to.. But hey that is life.
So if you are not Raine or Fuma don't think you don't matter.. cause you do.

But.. this is a special call out to those two damn special people... I love them..

They are there for me ALWAYS... and have both been there for years.
Though I am far from perfect and neither are they, we staid together.. grew closer ith each fight and laugh we shared.

Still some times we disagree.. But we know even with that.. the other will always be there.
No one has ever really done that before.
I have had best friends, great friends and good friends that in the end left cause something shiney out there was fun for now.

But to these two I have always been a shiney thing

They have given me soo damn much.
I don't mean the drawings (they are both AMAZING artists.. and this I am proud to say is not something I say cause they are my dear friends.. but it is the truth.. so great)

Nor is it do to the gold imbroided Kimono Raine gave me or the many other gifts I have gotten from them.

But it is do to the way they help me, guid me, laugh with me and KICK my ass when it needs to be.
For these two I want to be the best I can be (that is saying a lot cause I am at times a lazy bitch)

They believe in me.. I never had to make up anything or hid anything from them.
It was just enough to be.. ME.. which means a lot.

I have had many people in my life where I had to give and give and give.. But they seemed to always forget to give back.
People that came with their problems but never asked me about mine.
People that forgot all we had done through our friendship..

I thought it was just the cost life had.. But damn was I wrong.

And you know what?

I am SOOOO lucky (LUCKYYYYYY) they both love Yaoi rpging as well..
Sadly though I feel they both are better at it then me ( lol) but they will tell you it is untrue..

They both inspire me a lot.

I wish they would love themselves as much as I do them.. cause they are worth it.

A thanks also goes out to Sarius, Bon, Heidi, Jesper, MIKI, Sisse, Chris, Alex, Thue, Freddy (big thanks), mervi, Bonnie, Anna, Liuwina, Lin, Anita and a few others

Please.. this is not to make anyone out to be less woth then others.. cause no one is.. we are all worth the same.. ^__^

PS: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY in like 1½ months *jumps up and down* RAINE is coming to stay with me for a week or so.. we are going to cosplay, rpg, drink, cook japanese and chinse food (she is part chinese.. so lucky), watch anime, act insane, go for walks, dress up, take pictures and do NAUGHTY things together (it will be xrated .. sorry kiddies) LOL.
I can hardly wait!!

And we are going to see EM in Knight jousting.. with Freddy, Birthe, Liam,Kim and Birthe's sister.. YAY it was soo cool last year.. Raine brought me a big piggy teddy and I LOVE it so much (not as much as her though LOL)
......
I think that is is ... YAY LOL

if this is very weird.. sorry I have a fever and have for 6½ days now...